A Tale of Two States

CALIFORNIA:

A state official (I'll call her Nancy Pelosi) is jogging with her dog along a nature trail.

A coyote jumps out and attacks Nancy’s dog, then bites Nancy.

Nancy starts to intervene, but decides she should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.

She calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the state $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.

Then she calls her veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.

She was bitten, so she goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting her bite wound bandaged.

The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.

The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a “coyote awareness program” for residents of the area as a result of a Nancy Pelosi fundraising email to her constituents demanding they forgive the coyote and respect it’s constitutional rights.

The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease – the study concludes there are no new factors to discuss.

Nancy’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack.

The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training for the nature of coyotes.

PETA protests the coyote’s relocation and files a $5 million suit against the state. California spends $12 million defending against the suit, but residents complain about the cost, so California settles for $4 million

TEXAS:

A state official (I'll call her Angela Paxton) is jogging with her dog along a nature trail.

A coyote jumps out and attacks her dog.

She shoots the coyote and keeps jogging.

The buzzards eat the dead coyote.

*authors note: Of course parts of this story are completely untrue. Neither Nancy Pelosi or Angela Paxton actually jog. — Jerry