I Quit!

Dear Sir/Madam;
After an appropriate period of deliberation, I have decided to tender my resignation from this firm.
Please know that I maintain the highest level of regard for the management and staff of the facility, and thank you sincerely for the support and guidance you have offered me in the past. This leadership and guidance has provided me with an unparalleled foundation to move forward with the next exciting opportunity in my life.
As such, I have decided to become a Professional Pirate.
It has always been my dream to live the life of a swashbuckling corsair, beholden to none and master of all I survey. Once my crew of unabashed rogues, rascals, and scalawags is assembled, we shall take to the capacious expanse of the high seas to pursue fortune, fame and hair-raising adventure.
Our path my not be filled with the porcine comforts and technological marvels that this firm provides, but we ne’er-do-wells shall nonetheless move forward and carve a name for ourselves in the annals of bold insurgency and death defying derring-do. Once I have keen blade on my hip, a good crew, and a Jolly Roger on the mast, I believe I shall find my true calling.
Please note that I am accepting applications for a stalwart First Officer; if you are at all interested in applying, I will provide full medical, offering immediate coverage of all maladies other than Scurvy and the occasional bout of Rickets.
Cap’n Jack Parker, Rogue and Buccaneer
(formerly known as Jerry Parker)